I feel damn good today. Better than damn good, I feel incredible. After my last entry, I was shit on by someone I considered a good friend, so I'm sure you can imagine how far my mood plummeted. But now, I'm convinced I'm quite honestly untouchable.
This mood of mine is amazing. In fact, I feel kind of like a jackass for ever complaining about my family, because in retrospect, my life is fucking great. I've gotten rid of worthless friends who only served to bring me down. I'm surrounded by people who care about my well-being and are happy to be around me. I have the most wonderful girlfriend in the god damn universe who makes me elated just being within ten feet of me. My friends are hilarious and incredible people.
I'm home now. My room will be spectacular. It's big and it's mine and I don't have to share with anyone for the first time. I'm free. My family loves me and bends over backwards for me if I need them.
I got my first cell phone yesterday, and it's really nice to have. It's a cheap, generic little phone, but it's cute and I've never had one before and it makes me ridiculously happy. My number is 1-325-642-6042 if anyone needs to call me.
School is going to be easy and I don't care how bad or stupid everyone is. I can get through it quickly. It's familiar, and the staff likes me.
I'm talented - I can write well, I'm creative, and I have awesome characters that people fight over, which makes me feel validated.
Terri called me today and put the biggest, stupidest smile on my face that's ever been on it. She's one of the most wonderful adults I've ever met, and the world would be a hell of a lot happier if other people would follow her example. Really and truly.
There are people I've never met who still love me and listen to what I have to say, and trust me to confide in me.
My life is perfect right now. And it may be boring as I sit here and try to find something half-way decent on television, or wish that people would be on the computer to talk to me, or call me. But it's a lot better than being hellishly busy at work, or being miserable because I have no real friends because I'm a shitty person.
Karma is being good to me. And damn does it feel awesome.
I feel amazing, today. It is insurmountably ridiculous and should be illegal. But I am ridiculously high and as I have not been hauled off to jail, I am to assume that it is not, in fact, illegal for me to be this utterly elated.
For those of you who don't know why I am elated -
it is because I talked to Louise today, for the first time in five months.
And I told her I'd been writing Alaric and Sakey for more than a year.
She said it was, "a bit of a damn stab in the back", to which I laughed uncontrollably for twenty minutes and made it my MSN name.
"BIT OF A DAMN STAB IN THE BACK, DON'T YOU KNOW" "QUITE SO"
In case you were curious. I haven't felt this good since... well, okay, last weekend, but considering how miserable I've been since Monday, I think it is well and truly deserved. After Louise and I bid farewell, I wrote another porn of Alaric and Sakey and it was beautiful.
I'm off to shit rainbows and butterflies and be INCREDIBLY AMUSED AT THIS FOR DAYS. Man, I'm awesome.
Specifically, why the hell am I up at 6:09 AM listening to Spice Up Your Life on repeat? I suppose, like the mysterious number of licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, the world may never know.
I'm not really clever.
Anyway, a shiny new meme stolen from kaitlinbell
I thought was cool:There's been an accident, and my memory's been wiped. I have no recollection of who I am. Tell me about myself. What do you know about me? What kind of person am I? What are my likes and dislikes? How did we meet and how long have we known each other? Is there one thing in particular that stands out about me? Tell me who I am.
Like she said, it's free for anyone to steal if they so choose.
Since I was very obviously lied to the last time I tried this little meme, I'd like very much to try it again. This time, I would appreciate if you could actually be, you know, honest. Most of you probably were, but there's always that minority, you know.Leave me an anonymous comment, and tell me everything you think of me. I don't care if it's good, bad, neutral. Anything. Don't care. You think I should kill myself violently? Tell me so. Think I should be promoted to godly status? Tell me so.
And be completely fucking honest.
I think someone missed that last part. Hm.
I am in the most horrendous mood to clean. This baffles me. It's almost as vexing as being sexually frustrated, only with, you know. Cleaning. What on earth. I can't clean my house, because I am not at my house, and even if I were, I quite honestly have nothing to clean there. Who knew having such a convenient new life would be quite so annoying?
At any rate, it's rather nice staying at Holly's house, where I don't have to check the computer in an abnormally paranoid fashion every ten minutes to make sure the temperature doesn't get higher than ninety degrees in case dad sees it and pitches a fit. I honestly don't understand why he thinks he is more knowledgeable about computers than I am, considering I have spent six years with them as opposed to his two. I do know what I am doing, dad, thank you.
Anyway, apparently I'm going to be watching them every Wednesday when Holly stays at my dad's house. This doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. After all, Holly's kids really don't need to be babysat anyway. Oh well. Maybe now I can terrify them with the combination of Session 9 and Silent Hill 3 and 4. Ohoho.
Oh, and before I forget; I have become Hana-tan now, which I find an insanely cute nickname. It's been so long since I've gone by anything with a suffix, it's a rather nice nostalgia. Also played the Write Around game with Rin-chan and Chi-tan, which was astronomically fun and I hope we do it again soon. Seriously, that fic was a thing of beauty. Almost as beautiful as my screenshot.
Stolen from onsoullessfeet
, because she is amazing.
The 'First Impressions' Meme
Instead of posting my name to a bunch of people I do not know,
I am going to post this here.
Especially since, you know, my LJ is friends' locked.
So. What was your first impression of me?
- Music:neurosonic ; are solar
I really do. Especially when I take a closer look at all the people I'm so close to; everyone I know is so ambitious. Everyone knows what they want to do or are doing with their lives. Everyone's got something to want. Somewhere to get.
And then there is me, and I don't care about anything. I am not ambitious. I don't want anything out of life. I'm so apathetic to everything. I really don't understand.
Is this a temporary thing? It this a permanent thing? Is something wrong with me?
I know I could do so much if I tried. I know I have a lot to offer. Why don't I want to? Perhaps it's because I really am as selfish as my mother thinks I am. Maybe it's just because I'm perpetually lazy. Maybe I'm so afraid of what the future is going to be that I've just shut down and refuse to do anything about it.
And I am afraid. I know that. I'm afraid to fail, so I refuse to try. I'm well aware of what a ridiculous, fruitless philosophy that is, but I can't bring myself to do anything about it. I can't help myself like I should be able to. I am a strong person, and I know this, but maybe I'm so busy being strong for others that I can't do it for myself as well.
Sometimes, I'm just convinced that I'm insane. I have memories that I can't be sure are fact or part of my delusional fantasies. I've hallucinated several times. I have acute insomnia. I have horrible nightmares. I want help, but then I think that I'm just making an excuse for myself. I want to be crazy because then I could understandably rely on someone else to fix me instead of doing it myself.
Yet again, I can't separate the truth from all my excuses.
Maybe I do need a counselor. Maybe I need a fully fledged psychiatrist to figure out what's the matter with me. How do I explain this to my dad? If he blows me off, what can I do? Deal with it the best I can? What if he's right and I don't need one, and then I honestly become crazy for trying to pick apart my own brain?
I frighten myself. I worry myself. I don't know what to do.
- Music:donovan ; hurdy gurdy man
I think I'm alright now. My apologies for that last entry.
At any rate, yesterday's journey to the mall was incredibly uninteresting, but it did result in my getting a hold of the most gorgeous incense ever and now my room and the entire back portion of the house smells like rain. It is delicious.
I also sort of spoke to a man at EB Games who amused me quite a bit. He was very polite; I smiled at him, he asked if he could help me. I told him I was just waiting for a release date for Silent Hill 5. He said, "0rigins?" I said, "No, 0rigins in for the PSP. Silent Hill 5 is being released on one of the next-gen consoles." I think he was astounded by the fact that I could probably give him a run for his money in regards to nerd-dom. He said, "You're good. She's good." Which made me laugh.
No one seems to expect me to be a nerd. Maybe I should walk around the mall in sweat pants that say "geek" across my rear. I bet that would clue people in much more quickly. And maybe a nerdy gamer shirt or two.
"Capslock is cruise control for AWESOME."
I also really feel like going to Barnes & Noble to read. That sounds unbelievably pleasant right now. I want to get out of the house and do something that does not cost cash. Which, in this case, means Barnes & Noble would be the ideal place to go.
I would love to get my hands on more of Chuck Palahniuk's books. Fight Club was fucking incredible, depressing and soul-sucking as it may be. It was beautifully depressing and soul-sucking.
Ugh I need to get a job.
- Music:modest mouse ; we'll all float on
Maybe I'm just easily amused by the fact that I knew what would happen before any of my friends who just got a copy of Deathly Hallows, and that is almost all of them.
I KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN, hurhurhur. I am not sure why this entertains me so. But it really, really does. Maybe it's payback for the fact that I'm the last person I know who got to see Order of the Phoenix (which was full of hilarity, but I'm sure you already knew that).
I felt so sorry for Trelawney when Umbridge tried to kick her ass to the curb. Hooray for Professor McGonnagal for being awesome.
Also, can I just say, Fred and George looked like total dorks with their hair cut short. I am sorry, guys. But you did. If it makes you feel any better, Harry looked like a nerd with his hair chopped off too. As did Ron.
Anyway. Where the fuck was Firenze? The entire scene with Trelawney was bullshit and pointless if they weren't even going to bother putting him in the movie at all. Firenze was awesome. Fuck you guys for not putting him there.
Okay, I'm slightly less amused by the fact that I've seen the leaked copy, because it's really fucking hard not to talk about it to you guys. Hurry up and finish the book before I combust, please. ):
Once again, I steal from Katiebell because her username for her writing journal is so hot. Thusly do I introduce Paper Inc
. :Daena's new writing journal.
Rejoice! A note, however - all slash-y entries will be friends' locked, which I really don't think will be a problem since the link is there for you to add me.
I'll be working on some brand new fics, so please bear with me while I get my crap together. Thanks!
A note: for those of you who swear at people like a sailor when you're mad, you sound really retarded if the other person doesn't swear back. Just for future reference.
Also, I have an entire case of Diet Coke with Splenda in my refridgerator and the knowledge that it's there is wonderful. I will probably drink the entire thing within the week, which will be very ignorant of me because I know my father doesn't go grocery shopping unless I am literally starving for decent food (which, in this case, means not boxes of Cheese Itz and year old cans of beans). Until we go on our next journey into the bowels of Wal*Mart, I shall try my hardest so show a bit of self-restraint.
It really bites going to Wal*Mart when you are depressed, by the way. Because then you feel ill, and then the food you love sounds disgusting to you and you do not want it, and then you realize when you get home that you are a huge mong for not taking the oppurtunity to get everything. Daena is a huge mong, guys.
I tried to watch Saw 2 again yesterday, but it upset me so much I had to turn it off. Amanda had the cutest hair ever and was thrown into a pit of used needles. Can we hear a collective, "ow"? I think we can.
Was also very upset to realize that Ouran was taken off of YouTube. Sephiroth demands an explanation for this bullshit, okay?
- Mood:jammin' out.
- Music:boondock saints ; holy fool
I swear, sometimes I think I can just smell the pristine clean of a new livejournal. It's oh so lovely. Beautiful, even.
At any rate, for those of you who are as of yet unaware of this, I've made a new e-mail address, a new livejournal (obviously), and changed my e-mail address on my fanfiction.net account, which shouldn't be a big deal because it won't change my URL or anything of that nature. So.
Here is my new contact information:
e-mail address : firstname.lastname@example.org
aim : her paper hero
livejournal : herpaperheroes
Yes, they're matching. I'm far too lazy to come up with new names for all of them.
I'd appreciate it if you could add it to yours and message me from there. It'd be much easier than me collecting e-mails and adding each one manually.
Anyway, as I've stated in my old LJ, I will no longer be writing any Kaleb x Sakey fiction; please don't expect any more. From now on, I'll be indulging in Alaric x Sakey, or any other 'ships I feel like writing. Don't bother asking, I really don't feel like discussing it any more. Just know that I'm fine, I'll live, I'll get over it, and it's no big deal.
Thanks for everyone who has supported me tonight, I really do appreciate it.
- Music:my computer fan.